My Anxiety and How it Makes Me Feel
For much of my life, I have been pretty forthcoming with how anxiety has affected me throughout my life. My first real run-in with anxiety was in high school after a halftime performance (I was on varsity poms), and I had a sudden panic attack. When I was younger, anxiety was something that came and went, that I could ignore, and that ultimately, didn’t bother me or the way I navigated through life.
As I’ve grown older and with accepting disability (hearing loss) as a major part of my lifestyle, anxiety has been a larger part of my life and managing it has been something that I have to consciously do. I am not clinically anxious. I do, however, have anxiety that arises situationally. I have good days and not so good days with it.
In the turn of the New Year, my anxiety has been thru the roof. This year, I am working very hard to be more intentional both in my professional and personal life. Moving with intent and purpose is extremely important to me. This includes setting boundaries, being consistent, and being a woman of my word through and through. I absolutely love the person that I am becoming and that I have grown to be, especially over the last couple of years. I am proud, steadfast, and positive and it has all worked towards my good.
But anxiety, as I said before, is something that comes pending the circumstances I am under day to day. Dealing with anxiety makes me feel…………different at times. These are a couple of feelings that I’ve gone through whilst dealing with anxiety.
Anxiety makes me feel anxious
This goes without saying, but let me explain. Anxiety makes me feel anxious, not in the way that I am always hyper or tense but moreso in the idea that I am usually extremely calm on the surface………..but I tend to think of 100 different things at once. I am a problem solver, so when there is a problem, sitting idly by and letting it solve itself isn’t something that works for me. However, solving problems can take longer while anxious because of the aforementioned racing thoughts.
Anxiety makes me feel like I have to “do it alone”
Going back to me being a problem solver, when my anxiety strikes its annoying head, I become very reclusive and keep to myself. I find that I can bring myself back out of the anxiety mode much better when alone than I can when I have to dispel emotional and physical labor onto other people. Feeling like I won’t get anything properly handled unless I am alone and to myself for a while is a real feeling. It is often difficult for me to reach out for help when anxious, even if I need it because of this feeling.
Anxiety makes me feel uncomfortable about my body
This one is pretty new. Since anxiety is essentially feeling “stressed out”, I’ve recently taken on the task of feeling a bit self-conscious about certain aspects in my body and face. Feeling self-conscious about myself physically is SUPER new to me, so once I noticed this happening, another layer of anxiety piled on on top of that and I began to obsess about how self-conscious I’ve become. Sometimes anxiety has me thinking that I’m not as attractive or that I have more flaws than I really have, etc. It can be draining.
Anxiety makes me feel queasy
Sometimes I feel queasy and get riddled with a headache due to anxiety. I have felt light-headed and sick because of anxiety-related stress. Popping a Tylenol, followed by a short nap, usually helps me to quell this feeling.
Anxiety makes me feel unfocused
A large reason why consistency has been difficult for me in the past is because of anxiety. I get anxious, psyche myself out, lose interest, and become stagnant. It is a cycle I am determined to change, but recognizing the root cause has been incredible for my own growth.
Anxiety perpetuates my tinnitus
I am hard of hearing, so with that comes some pretty frequent tinnitus. When I am anxious my tinnitus gets worse and lasts for way longer than it usually does. This often makes me irritable, stressed, and physically sore, in some cases.
I talked a bit about how to deal with anxiety via natural remedies and tips here. Utilizing these methods has helped me to be more calm, present, and aware of when my anxiousness will arise. My goal isn’t to be completely absolved of anxiety but instead to manage it as best as possible so that I can live the life that I wish to lead, consistently.